MOUTH, MEET FOOT

Those wonderful Brits at the Plain English Commission this year announced the winner of its annual "Foot in Mouth" award to Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld.

One would be hard pressed to write fiction of this type:

"Reports that say that something hasn't happened are always interesting to me, because as we know, there are known knowns, there are things we know we know," Rumsfeld said.

"We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns — the ones we don't know we don't know."

The runner up was California musclehead Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger.

His winning entry: "I think that gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman."

These might be funnier if not reminiscent of Orwellian doublespeak.