In an amusing and innovative op-ed piece penned for The New York Times, "Curb Your Enthusiasm" and "Seinfeld" creator Larry David exposes so-called undecided voters as self-serving "rascals."
You want to see real undecided? Go out to dinner with me
sometime. I'll show you undecided. I look at the menu for
20 minutes, ask everybody what they're ordering, and then,
finally, after I copy someone, wind up dashing into the
kitchen to tell the waiter I've changed my mind. ...
We'd love to tell you to take a hike, but we're afraid to
alienate you. If we really had any brains, we wouldn't
spend another second on you, but on the people who can
truly make a difference: the "unlikely" voters. And there
are millions more of them than there are of you. Those
people aren't after attention, they're just incredibly
lazy. The only way they'll register to vote is if someone
shows up at their door with a form. And then the only way
they'll actually vote is if you carry them to the booth.
Not only are they lazy, they're also indifferent. They just
don't believe that voting can have an effect on their
lives. Well, it just so happens that right after I voted
for the first time, I landed myself a big fat job in
Hollywood, a biopsy came back benign and I met my future
wife as soon as I walked out of the voting booth.
Coincidence? You decide.